Bend or Break
by Cards
Summary: Logan's doing time, community service time but time none the less. How in the world did he get to where sorting condoms and washing dishes is normal?
1. Chapter 1

"You think that I liked being hit?"

"No." She's sitting across from me her legs spread on either side of the back of the chair, her chin is delicately balancing on the black plush of the backrest. "You just got used to it."

"You're fucking insane."

"I'm not quite as wacko as you are Logan." She stood up, her jeans are ripped, not like mine, pre-worn from somewhere, but ripped because the seams are frayed and she's done so much in one pair that they fray. She wears Con's only she's hacked off the lables. She does that with all her clothing, and she seems so normal otherwise.

I'm relaxing. We're both on break, for once I just sucked it up and took my cushy community service gig instead of paying people off. I work at this place downtown, really downtown. Most of the kids speak Spanish better then English, and I get treated like an idiot.

She grabs some condoms, piling them into various containers, I debate standing up and helping her, but I'm normally not very helpful.

"So what do you mean by I got used to it?"

"Oh come on, its fucking abuse, you just deal or you break down."

"I could have broken down." I smile as I grab a variety of flavored condoms dropping them mechanically into different containers, mentally taking a tally of cherry, mint banana as I drop them in. "This could be me picking up the pieces."

She turns to me. Here we don't get the privilege of lying. There just isn't time for that shit. "No one comes here when they got it all figured out rich boy."

I have nothing to say to that. We stand facing each other, piles and piles of condoms separating us. Its almost funny except we don't stand there long enough for the comedic effect.

At Neptune there was time for that, I have great comedic timing, I know when to stop, when to go. And yes, I even knew when to stop. Didn't very often I'll agree to that. But I could tell when it was getting me in trouble.

But here. There isn't time for me to look clever, by the time I know it should be funny the humor of the two of us standing opposite looking over of all things, condoms. But by then she's already picked up one of the buckets and I've done the same and we're carrying them out front.

Out front its noisey and annoying and it smells. It depends on what's just gone down. If some mother has forgotten her kid's got a diaper that needs changing then thats what it smells like. If one of these two kids who for some reason always stink to high heaven are in then it smells like their disgusting oder. If for some reason we have cookies then thats what the front smells like. The back is always the same odd mixture of the streets, coffee and stale air.

At Neptune everyone notes how politically incorrect I am, but here everyone is. If someone stinks everyone yells at them that they stink. It may be crude and a real sign of how far down these people are. The kind of things I used to poke fun at and mock in other people if only because I knew how apparent they were in me. But here I feel at ease.

I've shared this with my most of the time working partner, the nosey girl Bri. She says its because I don't hide shit the way most people do. That because of all the things I've been through I call a spade a spade.

I think its cause I know I'm white trash masquerading as something else.

I walk out into the front room, grabbing my condom basket like its important. And of course it is, just think how important and how many lives that have been if not saved, kept by this little layer of latex.

"Put it over there" Emily the short woman in charge of the front room or "drop in" directs me. Bri of course knows where to put her condom bucket without even checking in.

When I first started coming here I could hear people when I came out, normally dashing between in back and the kitchen where I would have to clean and prepare food. Now its just a roar, a quiet roar of their yelling and bitching.

I know what I sound like now, whining about the fact that something isn't perfect. They yell at me for doing anything.

I move back and look over at Bri, who somehow manages to not look like an idiot every time someone notices her. She smiles at me "We got filing to do Logan"

How in the world did this become my life?

Author's notes: SO I haven't seen any of season two, this takes place during like the spring semester, I'm assuming he gets off the murder rap (I haven't seen the show but have read spoilers) and then does something stupid, and takes community service instead of making a big deal out of it. The next few chapters will backtrack to that and then catch up with this one.

Warnings: Original character, liberal perspectives. This place Logan is working at is based off a place I volenteer at and its very liberal and deals with people who are at the end of their rope. They do take court ordered community service people, but yeah, so thats the warning.


	2. Chapter 2

Of course summer started out great, normally it does. Well actually summer started out for me with a funeral, a couple actually. First was my father's where I stood next to Trina, both of us mourning in different ways. I was of course mourning my best friend more then my father. Duncan Kane had more reasons then anyone would think to kill my father. Not only was there Lilly, but he'd hurt Veronica, someone I think both of us were realizing meant a huge amount to both of us. But something in how he looked at me as we discussed our newly found emancipation told me that he knew about my tempestuous father/son relationship with Aaron Echolls. At the time I hated him for it.

I mean its textbook, your father beats you so you prove how great you are in other areas. I'm charming, but act out. Testing my father's limits as I grow older. Perfect example, Bum fighting. My father's limits got stretched past breaking point when I improved his public image a hundred fold. Only costing him half a million. But also with this troubled teen act I was of course a joker, making everyone around me laugh, normally at my own or someone else's expense. I kept that image up to keep people from asking about bruises and burns when I was little.

Now don't give me too much credit. I read a pamphlet when I was filing away all that useful information and cross tabbing it under "drug use, roots" and "adjustment to abuse" as well as the main file "Child abuse". Oh and that's literally filing. Not some metaphor for learning. But anyway, I am text book.

So also in that text book is that I don't want people finding out. Trina blabs about it, Veronica figures it out, and ten to one confirms Duncan's loose suspicions based on a few things Lilly has carelessly said, as well as my (textbook) excuses about odd burns and cuts and bruises.

And Duncan, really hates people who hurt those he cares about. I only wonder how long it will take for him to attack the Mannings for what they tried to do to his daughter. Because I know him, and that little girl is all he cares about now.

So my father was as good as dead when he stepped out of that courthouse. Then he threatens me. Smart man huh? He didn't seem to realize that I would call a friend of a friend to get in touch with the one man who didn't care what happened to him.

The next funeral was Cassidy. Now, Veronica, who held my hand the whole time sobbing angrily couldn't understand my empathy with they guy. But really, she thinks she had it bad being raped once. No. She has no idea what being abused feels like. She used words like "molested" and "betrayed" but she couldn't understand the lengths people will go to keep their secrets.

So I cried, standing with Mac, the girl with the crazy hair we stood, two days after the funeral. Neither one of us said anything just stood in front of his grave. Crying, I didn't even like Cassidey that much, he was always Dick's annoying little brother who tried way to hard to be someone he wasn't. And I understood a part of him. Now not the part that blew up the bus, or raped Veronica, or killed Curly, or what ever that stunt guy's name was. But the part that festered inside, screaming, hating himself because he must have done something to not get happiness.

Thats the part I see in the mirror every morning.

So Veronica went off to New York, I was left, a millionaire. The press loving me for once. And I fucked it up. I got arrested, for carrying dope.

Now lets pause and look at that. Yes. I got busted for dope. Marijuana. How dumb do you have to be to get busted with pot? Well apparently its not so bad if you don't need the financial aid, and you get a cushy community service job where they call the night before, begging you to not call for publicity, tell you they don't want you to be their spokesperson they just want you to show up, not mention your last name and work.

For roughly a year.

Yeah, two days a week for a year. Working with the youth of Neptune who have been put at a disadvantage, and its not just those whose parents didn't get them that new Lexus. The ones who don't have parents, who are parents and who will never even walk into the hallowed halls of Neptune High. Sex workers, who you don't mess with because they pump iron at the gym and can kill you by stepping on you in their nine inch platform fuck me boots. Trannies who are more dangerous then the gangsters.

And for some reason, a short Asian girl can keep this whole group of people under control I believe that she has magical voodoo powers that keep people quiet and following the rules.

Though the first day I walked in there was a minor uprising. Apparently I was still the guy whose face had been pasted all over the news for getting off Scott free for killing one of their own. Of course never mind that the real killer had been taken care of otherwise, totally circumventing the law. This of course also meant that the media had not surrounded that person attacking them and pushing the popular view onto anyone with enough skill to place a hanger on top of a TV.

So I was shoved into the back, doomed to lurk around the copier until a girl with long blonde hair popped her head in. "You Logan Echolls?"

"Why yes I am"

"Hey I'm Brianna, most people call me Bri" She smile sticking her hand out. "Echolls that sounds familiar" She paused looking me over "Hey," She smiled "wasn't there a movie star who had that name?"

"My dad" I nodded "who are you?"

"Oh Ray," she smiled, Ray is the boss woman who ended up taking my community service because she was woefully understaffed, and really really needed the help. "Ray wanted me to show you around back here, when the drop in closes I'll show you around there, but its pretty hectic out there now." She grinned cheerfully. "They must know your dad better then I do!" She laughed "This is the copy room" She moved to two huge standing closets, "This is where we keep the condoms" she opened the doors to them and I could see that the whole thing of one of them was filled with various condoms. "We end up refilling the condom buckets a whole lot" She rolled her eyes "all the guys feel they have to take them, just to maintain the image." she moved to the next one "Here is where we keep extra socks and underwear. You won't have to deal with that till you work out front."

The rest of the tour was pointing out people's offices and then in the end the conference room where Bri sat down on the table, looking at me.

"So you're here because you got caught with pot?" She asked leaning back. "I read your file. Logan, we don't have time for any bull here" whispered. "Look, things anyone asks you to do may seem stupid but in reality they can be matters of life and death. If someone asks you to sit here and make bleach kits, and you fuck around someone could die. You show up stoned, you can make mistakes that cost someone their life."

Now I am not an easily motivated person. But also I rarely get the choice to actually do something. I did nearly get out of the final for science because I could have excelled at the egg drop.

So I took her tone, of slight suspended disbelief that I could do anything, and that was only by looking at my obviously doctored file (thank you Veronica) then I could only imagine what she would say knowing the whole truth.

So then and there I figured, I should really do this, no joking around. This could be a new Logan Echolls, one who wasn't some spoiled movie star's son. And when Veronica came back, she'd be amazed at how mature and nice I was.

So, I promised not to fuck up.

Disclaimer: Okay, Rob Thomas, the brilliant man who created this show owns this.

Author's notes: memo to all. Rob Thomas wrote an amazing book called "Doing Time" read it, seriously. Like go and read it. Speaking of reading, how about reviewing. I know you all read this, so if it was so bad tell me (I won't destroy you with another chapter) but if it was good, PLEASE tell me. This many readers no reviews scares me because I don't know if I should write more or just quit it.


	3. Chapter 3

Bri was smiling at me as we sat collating piles of information about Neptune Youth Health Center. "So, tell me about Veronica?"

Veronica had met up with her father, in New York. Late yes, but he'd apparently had good reasons, good confidential reasons. To make up for it they were staying a month. The first week I'd gotten calls all the time, that was when I was going through a hurried court case and was glad to have the distraction, the second week I'd been dealing with the hell of NYHC and the fall out of what community service really meant.

Now it was the third week. Not a single call from my Girlfriend. The Logan Echolls who wasn't dedicated to changing his life and being an all around better person would have thrown a fit and started screaming to everyone about abandonment or something. The new Logan Echols on the other hand was gladly and merrily assuming that she was too busy going gaga over the mac store of fifth avenue and drooling over tiffany's with a wishlist a mile long I'd get over email for her to actually contact me. Of course she would later on. Anyway this was good practice for college, where she would be all of eleven exit stops away.

"Earth to Logan" Bri laughed waving her hand in front of my face. "Don't stop sorting."

I returned to sorting, putting the sorted piles in folders and slipping Ray's business card in to the assigned slips. "Veronica is tough" I smile. "She's very take charge and she hardly ever lets me bitch and moan."

"I need to meet her when she comes back." She grinned "I absolutely must find out her secrets to getting that stop."

"Well normally she kisses me" I grinned puckering up.

"Pass on that." Bri smiled, her eyes not quite as bright as the rest of her face. She looks like that a lot, like she's always off somewhere else. "Well we got this just about done." She said lightly, "You feel up to hitting the floor today?"

"Um doesn't Ray have something else for me to do?"

"Look, those kids are never going to get used to you if you don't spend time out on the floor."

"Bri, the file you have..."

"Logan. I don't have a TV" She said in way of answering me. "I don't keep up with the gossip tabloids, someone filled me in on who you are." She said, turning towards me. "The only thing you haven't been a quited of, and those have all been removed from your record, is the drug possession. Thats why I didn't know. Yes all those kids out there know you're story, probably seen that scandals diary or something a thousand times. But you are here to work. And because you work same days I do. They made me your supervisor. I don't mind catching up on my filing skills at times Logan, but believe me, working out front is better."

"Did your informant tell you about the bum fights?"

"The what?"

"It was a stupid idea I had, pay bums to fight, then get my friends to bet on it. Someone sold the tape, I got fucked over. First time off the red carpet or being on set with my dad, in the public's eye and that's what they see."

Bri sat back looking at me. "Well. I'm sorry, but Emily is short on help out there and needs us. You made your bed of roses, now lie in it."

She stood up "Come on."

Again, old Logan would have laughed in her face and said something snappy. But New Logan was starting to get worried about his girlfriend's lack of communication in even the form of a wish list. New Logan realized he had to get off his ass if he was ever going to change into the kind of man Veronica deserved.

So I did just that. I stood up and followed Bri to the door, walking out as some of the kids started making obviously rude comments in Spanish to or about me.

"Lingua!" Bri said, like me, she hardly knows Spanish. But as she explained to me, you learn what kids aren't supposed to say a lot quicker then you do what they are. In short, she can call someone a two faced cunt but not ask someone what day it is. I find this hilarious. What isn't funny though is the looks I'm getting.

They're the kind of looks I got from PCHers last year when I was primaro suspect in Felix's murder. It was the "look at the rich kid go, he can get away with anything" look, and it was accompanied by multiple mutterings in spanish, some of which I could identify here.

Bri was already in the kitchen, she held her hand out to stop me as I saw she was talking with one of the participants.

"Look, why can't you guys just tell the cops he's coming in here"

"Look, Ray we need his help." She said in a hushed voice. "Look, James is gone for the summer at least, half of the PCM's are gone as well! I know you guys don't like him..."

I turned away looking at the participants who were all oddly quiet, straining to hear what Bri and Ray were talking about. Emily had apparently gone on break and it was obvious that Bri was right, we were needed up here.

"Yo! Can I get my tokens Mr. Movie Star" a boy yelled from the front desk.

"Rashard, you know sure as anything that Logan can't give tokens out. And be respectful" Bri said calmly from the Kitchen.

With that all the participants started talking again, one of the young kids ran up to me, his sticky hands all set to hug me around the legs.

Now I have never been comfortable with kids. I mean never. I can't even touch them, and if I do, its these little gentle touches not even putting pressure on them. They're so delicate, even at this guys age, which I'm guessing is less then five maybe even less then three. I mean if Duncan came back with his daughter and asked me to hold her, I wouldn't be able to.

Now kids normally seem to know this about me before their parents do, they'll cry if I go near them, but this kid just ran up. And grabbed on of my legs.

I looked up, his mother looked tired "Juan, get off of him" she shouted lazily at him. But the kid wasn't going anywhere.

"Juan" I started, looking down at him. It wasn't about the sticky hands, or that he was touching me. Or any of those things that Dick would assume it was. I just couldn't stand looking at that kid as he looked up at me with his eyes so wide and honest. So I reached down to push him off.

In that split second I caught myself so fully in what I was about to do that I nearly fell over.

Push the kid off my leg? He was fucking gripping it so hard I could feel it, I would have had to push pretty hard to get him off.

"BRI" I yelled. I know immature, but really with what I was dealing with in my head. It wasn't safe for me out here.

Bri walked out, holding a ladle. "Logan, calm down, Juan, come here" She said and the kid let go of my leg and ran towards her.

"I'll be in back." I muttered, not careing a whit what happened when I got back there.

Disclaimer: Me no own

Author's notes: If I do the puppy dog face will I get more reveiws? I mean please people, I want to know how to improve! Am I fucking up Logan's character, is Bri to weird, is the premise too fucked up? Pweese? -puppydog eyes- Oh and thank you to my lone reviewer. I appreciate it very much. I love you!


	4. Chapter 4

"Logan, what the hell?" Bri asked, cornering me.

"That kid."

"Look, I get that you've never had to..

"It wasn't like I was disgusted!" I looked up at her.

"If he ruined your pants i know you can afford..."

"That's not it either."

"Then what Logan?" We stood in the copy room and I shook my head. "Logan, if you don't tell me, then I'll have to write this up, and then it will go down on your record. Which the judge will read, and that will determine if you've actually learned your lesson."

"I just, I don't do well with kids."

"Can you get over it?"

"Well. I have a temper problem. And the kid. Well, lets just say I had to get away."

"Logan?"

"I was gunna push him off."

"Have you ever hit someone?"

"No, not really. I mean, not anyone who hasn't hit me first."

Bri looked over at me. "Logan, I need you to tell me why you have the issue. I mean." And I could see it in her face. The same look that Duncan gave me once. The "I know, just tell me" look. I didn't tell him.

"Logan its actually really important to tell me. If you can't deal with the kids, and you have a real reason then I can work with that and explain it to Ray."

"Can you sign a confidentiality agreement or something."

Bri stood and grabbed one, we had them all over the place, agreements for photo release, for releasing information. And of course this one.

"I don't want you to leak this to the press. I mean seriously. I have to take precautions."

"I know Logan."

She signed, and dated the paper. "Ray would sign one of these as well." She nodded.

"My dad, used to. Well ya know." I'd wanted to tell people for years. But now when someone was there in front of me who wouldn't blink or pity me, it was almost impossible to vocalize what I needed to. "He used to hit me. Like bad, like if I pissed him off, he'd have me grab a belt and ya know. And I know its like passed on, that I am predisposed to it simply because I was abused."

I didn't tell her how I'd learned this. That I'd always suppressed the anger and the violent side. How ashamed I was at the lamp I'd broken when Veronica broke up with me the first time, how grateful I was that Keith had actually stopped my anger. But that reading the cold hard files, the facts of the various types of abuse. Of how it can affect you, that reading those files scared the shit out of me.

Bri's expression didn't change, her eyes a little softer. But over all, nothing. "And little kids, they scare me. So much potential, and so easy to hurt. And that kid, he grabbed me and I wanted him off. I reached down, he was so trusting, and then I almost pushed him off. I realized suddenly how close I was to being able to hurt him."

Bri nodded. "Mkay, I'll tell Emily that we'll just work back here, and explain it to Ray."

She stood up, leaving me alone for the first time since I'd entered Neptune Youth Heath Services. My Cell phone rang, and I checked the number.

"Hey Veronica"

"Logan."

"Long time no talk." I grinned "So how long is your wish list?"

"Oh, i could probably spend the royalties for your father's biggest hit."

"Yeah, send me the list."

"I miss you" She laughed. "I wanted to call and let you know, my dad is making it up to me. He's paying for me to stay another couple weeks in New York. You know because of the whole standing me up thing."

"Hmm, make sure you get a tacky touristy gimmick for me" I smiled, god Veronica is amazing. "So any mysteries to solve in New York?"

"Hmm, only the one of where to get my next meal."

"Look, Gimme a call later. I'm at my community service thing. So I gotta go."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up, mixed feelings all around.

"Hey, Logan" Bri smiled and I scrambled to stand, not sure when I had sat down. "We got filing to do."

Author's notes: Wee! I have a review per chapter! This makes me feel so amazing I love it. I heart you all. Like seriously, i wanna hug everyone that reviews this. So I love you all. Tell me what you think of this, does it move too slow? Is there too little charachter and plot development. Do you want Logan to make condom balloons? I am open to all.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Obviously this was started before season three and with the idea that logan had been arrested over the summer. I'm not sure if I'll send him to Hearst this year or next.

"Logan?" Bri asked, looking over at me, her hair was pulled back and she looked a mixture of bored and annoyed.

"What?"

"Isn't there anyway that we could go up front."

Now, it has been two weeks since my confession to her, with a meeting with Ray right after which required another confidentiality agreement and me spilling my guts to Ray. Ray was like Bri, she had heard worse and was more worried for my well being then the fact that I couldn't work up front. Bri, had accommodated me we'd been working on a massive filing project that had taken up the two weeks and was now sitting in front of us, completed.

And there wasn't anything else to do, one of the PCM's was checking for us. Bri sighed looking over at me again, her eyebrow raised. "The kids aren't that bad, and if you hide behind the desk all you have to do is get socks and underwear for them. Hell I'll even talk to them!" She begged. "I'm going loco back here!"

"Um. Ray said I didn't have to."

"LOGAN!" She groaned pulling the unseasonablely long sleeved shirt down farther with her hands, bunched up in the sleeves. "Please, for me?"

"Isn't there more filing to do?"

"Only confidential stuff, which you know I can't let you see."

"Aww Poo, I was really hoping to--"

"Logan, Bri?" A short highly effeminate Puerto Rican boy peered around the corner.

"What Vince?" Bri said turning her head and pouting slightly.

"There's an incident. One of the pimps is coming up. We need as many people as possible up there."

I sat back, stunned really. "What?"

Bri hopped up. "Logan, you look menicing. Right? You can look scary."

"What?"

"Logan! Come on!" She said, a girl was crying, being brought in back as Chris, a normally jovial black case manager was barreling down the hallway.

"What is going on?"

"Sometimes pimps or irate parents don't want their girls coming here. Don't like the fact that they can't control them. This girl left her pimp, he just called her said he was coming up."

"Security won't stop him?" I asked, they'd nearly not let me pass by before, not believing my story.

"We've dealt with this guy before. He likes me, and hates everyone else."

"Doesn't that creep you out?"

"Thats why you and Chris get to look menacing while I deal with him." Bri explained, running a nervous hand over her tied back hair. "And if he so much as touches me you two need to pull me back and make absolutely sure that he can't do anymore."

We walked out in front, most of the staff was out there, only a few of the other female employees standing back with the suddenly tough kids who I'd seen on my quick dash in as being relaxed.

A man stormed in "Where is she?"

"You know you can't be in here" Bri said, standing before the door to the back, her shoulder touching me on one side and Chris on the other. "You're over 25, Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave"

"Where the fuck is she!" He pushed Bri, she fell back slightly, I grabbed her, holding her tightly away from this man who was screaming. I recognized the look in his eyes, he was mad, insanely mad.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE"

"Sir, can you please come outside so we can talk." Chris said.

"Get the fuck out of here" I heard someone saying, holding Bri like I'd held Veronica on the roof, keeping her back, keeping her from doing something, anything.

"What?"

"You know we can call the police on you."

"Those mother fuckers are afraid of me. Why ain't you."

"Logan calm down!" I heard Chris say.

"Look just go talk with Chris."

"Who the fuck are you?"

All of a sudden I looked back and Bri was pulling on my arm, Chris' hand was on my shoulder. "Logan!" She snapped.

Rage had poured through me. I'd seen that girl, the bruise blooming over her face. She had to leave the house with it. Her jawbone wouldn't be taken care of by the very best in the field. That man did it to her.

"Logan!" Bri said, snapping loudly again.

"What?"

"Chris get that man out of here!" Ray said, "Jim, get out there with him. Bri. Get Logan back in the back."

"You fucking people!"

"I am calling the police" Bri stated calmly, I realized her hand was in my pants, gripping the back, to stop me should I be struck with the urge to again try and throw myself at the man.

"BRI!" Ray yelled. "Get Logan out of here."

Bri nodded "Come on Logan"

"No!" I said, though I had ment to scream it came out as a slight puff of air out of my lips.

"Lets go help her" She said, taking my hand and leading me like a child to the back.

Author's notes: Okay, please review and tell me what is going on with this, like is it good, bad, makes you cry a little at night?


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